{"id":136,"date":"2023-10-21T05:47:37","date_gmt":"2023-10-21T05:47:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/web03net.com\/gobeyondtalktherapy\/wp\/?p=136"},"modified":"2024-06-25T15:35:13","modified_gmt":"2024-06-25T15:35:13","slug":"how-to-break-the-pursuer-distancer-pattern","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/kpltechsolution.us\/oldgobeyondtalktherapy\/how-to-break-the-pursuer-distancer-pattern\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Break the Pursuer-Distancer Pattern"},"content":{"rendered":"

Are you feeling distanced from your partner?\u00a0 Your relationship can get better.\u00a0Contact<\/a>\u00a0Phil DeLuca today.<\/p>\n

Is your partner pulling away?<\/h3>\n

The pursuer-distancer pattern is one of the most common causes of divorce and separation. Most often it happens with the wife seeking a closer connection from a withdrawing husband. But not always, it can happen the other way too.<\/p>\n

In my practice, it is common for me to see couples that have found themselves in an ongoing cycle. One of the partners is pursuing or demanding attention and affection while the other is seeking their space and distance. Your partner may be going through mental health difficulties such as\u00a0anxiety\u00a0or\u00a0depression\u00a0and needs to learn how to communicate it with you.<\/p>\n

If the couple does not address the issue and work to understand each other\u2019s needs, they are likely to break up. Even worse, it is very common for each to move on and repeat the pattern in later relationships.<\/p>\n

Why does the distancer pull away?<\/h3>\n

In the pursuer-distancer pattern,\u00a0 the one who withdraws is not usually seeking disconnection from their partner. In many cases people who withdraw want closeness but do not feel or believe it is possible. Past experiences can lead withdrawers to believe once they allow themselves to become vulnerable and close, the other person leaves.<\/p>\n

This perception is often developed during childhood. Parents can reject a child displaying intense emotions or need for attention. Children raised by parents who cannot consistently support their child\u2019s need for emotional support often develop an avoidant\u00a0attachment style<\/a>. The avoidant attachment style is a coping strategy as the child learns to suppress emotions and self-soothe rather than reach out to those around him or her for comfort.<\/p>\n

As a result, most people who distance themselves in relationships need closeness and connection in the same way as their partner does, they simply have a different strategy. Maintaining distance is a way to stay in the relationship.<\/p>\n